So placed on antidepressants because the pain is getting so bad I hate everything about my life.  My question is since when do anti depressants make you cry about everything.  I cried when i didnt gget a hamburger I cried about my sons birthday I cried about missing him .  I never cry now I cant stop.  This is suppose to make me feel better NOT back to the doctor tuesday maybe better news then.

So went to the doctor and once again got no where.  why cant they just accept the fact I am in pain and just because i do not want high doses of narcotics to deal with it does not make it go away or non existent.. Get a job they tell me sure where will they hire someone who cant stand sit lift write or type much.

Another day of pain I try to keep my mind off it but sometimes it is just too bad Stress from the holidays and stress over everything makes it worse.  Monday is a day I dread people say after 26 years i should be "over it"  but how do you get over the loss of a baby.  You think what would she have done with her life would she be married have children of her own.  In college happy.  So many questions without answers .  Yes I have three children that I love with all my heart but I have 4 one who I only held for 5 minutes before they whisked her away.  9" long weighing 9 ounces but still she was strong enough to live for 1 and 1/2 hours I named her Valycia Lynn after my grandfather and he has loved her in heaven all these years now she has many family members loving her but not her mom.

23Nov11 a day I wont forget

Today I was driving home from an appt at the VA The traffic was crazy so we turned down a road that we never take.   Shortly thereafter an accident occured where a gentleman proceeded through a stop sign after stopping and was hit spun and flipped by oncoming car.  I immediately jumped out of car and ran to accident to find a young woman hanging upside down in passenger seat.  For 45 minutes I immobilized her head and neck and tried to keep her calm as best I could.  For the first time in 8 years I felt no pain and actually felt useful for once.  Could it / Would it last no after my adrenalin slowed the pain was back with a vengeance but I still found out  in a crisis I can rise above and help.

My Journey Through RSD

On May 19, 1998 I graduated from OCC with my RN license.  For 5 years I did a job that I loved with all my heart.  Until the day my world fell apart.  While working I tore my rotator cuff lifting a patient.  For almost a year i was put through therapy and more pain until the day someone made them allow the surgery.  After the repair I was doing really well until the end of May 2004 when I began experiencing the most excruciating burning pain in my arm.  Everything that touched my arm caused severe pain almost unbearable.  For months i suffered with no explanation until the day the doctor told me I had RSD (Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy) of course I didnt know what this was so I immediately googled and told him nope cant have that but I did, So began my journey.  Over the last several years I have lost my ability to Nurse been through surgeries epidurals in my back while I walked around and finally a spinal cord stimulator which worked for my arm but caused the pain to migrate to both legs.  They were about to place wires for both legs when the unit failed and had to be removed which resulted in tearing of four discs in my lower back.  I now have full body RSD anything that touches me causes burning pain , hugs , clothes , the wind blowing excruciating but life goes on .